Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Preview of My High School Reunion

Today at work, I thought I saw someone I knew. She was someone I had gone to school with almost my entire school career. I remember going over to her house a few days after school. She sat behind me in my homeroom class for an entire year.

At first, I wasn't 100% sure it was her. Her hair was different, and it's been almost ten years since we graduated high school. So I just stared at her a lot. I'm sure she thought I was a freak. I would smile if I saw her look back, hoping to see that she recognized me too, but that didn't happen. She just thought I was a freak who liked staring.

Why didn't I go introduce myself, you ask? Well, I would have. Except that neck rash that I got from wearing sunscreen to Scarlett's birthday party is still there. And I'm afraid to cover it up with makeup because it might make it worse. And it itches like crazy, so I'm pretty much either rubbing or scratching it all day long. (Now that I think about it? Some of the customers probably think I am a freak, too.) So I didn't want to walk up to her and remind her of who I am while I have pizza-face, a crazy neck rash that looks like a hickey, and a little extra pudge that makes people wonder when my baby is due when I actually gave birth to her three months ago.

I could just see this girl - well, woman now - talking to other people that we went to school with. "Remember that girl? You know, the one who never talked. The girl with glasses! Well, she's a total freak. She has this neck rash? And she stared at me, like, all day." This is not the impression I need to leave people with while our ten-year high school reunion is looming so close.

That is, if I even decide to attend. If they even remember to invite me. I am not the sort of person who leaves an impression. I can just see myself, hypothetically, wearing a name tag with my maiden name and senior yearbook picture (ohmigod!) and still having people say to me, "Oh. You went here?" Yes. Yes, I did. I was your lab partner.

One time? There was this other girl that I have known since elementary school? We were both at the same bar. And I called her name and said, "Hey." She said "Hey" back to me. And then she turned to her friend and said, "I have no idea who that is." But we had just seen each other at graduation that morning. Sigh.

I could always pretend to be someone else. Apparently, I have a doppelganger. I have heard about this girl for years. People have come up to me, calling me her name, and seem all confused when I don't know who they are. Her former teachers insist that I attended her high school, when I know that I didn't. When I worked at a restaurant, one of the customers asked if she could take a picture of me with her cell phone, because my resemblance to this girl was "uncanny." She probably has no idea I even exist.

When I conveniently dispose of the name tag that announces my invisible identity and instead, introduce myself as her? I imagine people will be all excited. "Oh my god," they will exclaim, "what are you doing here?" I will claim I am the guest of various people, and they won't even contradict me, they will be so pleased to have doppelganger claim them as a friend. I won't need a Romy and Michele I-invented-Post-Its lie. I will instantly be fabulous.

But first? I need to see a dermatologist. Fabulous doppelgangers do not get neck rashes.


  1. Romy and Michele's High School Reunion is a good movie. I think I'll go watch it now! :)

  2. I kind of wish I could live my life on the down low! I'm a newspaper reporter in the same small town I went to high school. I don't recommend that. It turns out I don't report the news, I AM the news. They talk about me whenever they can. It's bad. I can't even go to Wal-Mart at 2 a.m. because I'll know someone. UGH.
    You strike me as someone who most likely had a big influence on a few people — and only the people that really mattered. I saw ditch the reunion, and go to the spa with one of your real friends :)

  3. I never go to reunions of any sort. They are ridiculous, and their only purpose is to make people feel bad about how life has turned out. Plus? If these were people I liked and loved? I would still be in touch with them.

    If people slip away from me? I wasn't holding on in the first place.

    Love you.

    Girl who doesn't make an impression. Silly you.

  4. @someoneelsealwayssaysitbetter - THAT'S what you got from this post??? But also? I wish I was watching it with you! Haha!

    @Valerie Dew - Aww, thank you! What a nice thing to say! Unfortunately I have seen the people who frequent Walmart at 2 a.m. You're obviously WAY better than they are. Thanks Valerie!

    @Kris - YAY, I have missed you while you were entertaining the invisible people! Nooo, you're silly! Love you!

  5. I will never go to a reunion...but it wouldn't make me feel bad about how my life is turning out. I have some things I wish would improve, but my career is fantastic, my kids are amazing, and I have the best, most amazing, wonderful wife in the world. I don't know who she impacted during her earlier life, but she has made quite an impression on me.

  6. @Michael - I know you don't care what other people think. I still maintain that if you go with me to my reunion? You will be more popular then I will. Haha! And if you keep leaving all these sappy comments? People are going to think I devised this whole blog plan to fish for compliments. (Would I do that? Never!)

  7. Hey, you said you wanted comments. You never specified they had to be deep and profound :)

  8. @someoneelsealwayssaysitbetter - But still. ;)

  9. Never left an impression? Omg you are so awesome. I envied you so much in high school. I wanted to be as smart as you, I wanted to be as skinny as you, I loved your handwriting and you are so funny! You were and still are so awesome. If your getting a creepy vibe.. my bad lol. I don't think you give yourself as much credit as you deserve. I just wish that I would have been a good friend to you in high school towards the end there. You were always such a good friend to me.

  10. @Maria - I don't recall you being a "bad" friend to me. Remind me of what you did so I can be mad at you. Ha! JOKES.

    Uh, YOUR handwriting is way cuter than mine. And I was funny in high school, until I dated that really controlling guy and he slowly murdered all of my personality. Good times.

    Plus also? I'm not that skinny anymore. Now I would like to be as skinny as me, too. ;)

    I miss all of you gals. I was just thinking about you the other day, how we were singing along to this Jewel song once. Random! Leave more comments though - love them. ;)