Friday, June 18, 2010

Are You My Grandma?

When I dropped Scarlett off at Bible School for the last time, there was a white-haired lady standing in the hallway. Scarlett ran to this lady, squealing, "Grandma!" and gave her a hug. Then she went into her classroom. This lady? She was not Scarlett's grandma.

The elderly lady and two of the other Bible School teachers were all giggly, and "Grandma" said, "She has been calling me 'Grandma' all week! Do I look like her grandma?" She was all smiles.

And I said, "Yes." And nodded emphatically.

But y'all? I told a lie. In a church. To a little old lady. I am so going to Hell.

Scarlett has four sets of grandparents. And that's not including the "greats." So, pretty much, if she sees a white-haired or otherwise elderly-looking person? She figures they must also be her grandparent.

But I could not tell this smiley, nice lady, "No, you just look old." So I lied.

At a work-related baby shower, Scarlett decided one of my coworkers must be her grandpa, and she said, "Mommy, I'm going to go sit in Grandpa's lap." I had to physically restrain her until I could convince her, in frantic whispers, that he was not her grandpa.

If we are at the store, and nice elderly person stops to comment on how cute my girls are? Scarlett will practically scream, "Momma! That's my Grandma!" Usually, I just smile and shrug, hoping that their old-person hearing will confuse them and make them think she must have said something else. It works every time.

So, if you are out somewhere, and a sweet brown-haired toddler comes running up to you, shouting about grandparents? That's my Scarlett. And also? You look old. Sorry.


  1. Oh my god, I can’t ever imagine being at an age where I wouldn’t take offence to that. I’m nowhere near old enough to look like a grandparent damnit!

    Your church people must be nicer than the church people I’ve been reading about!

  2. @zodiblog - Well, this lady was clearly SOMEONE'S grandma. Just not Scarlett's grandma. Her actual grandma? Is not even 50 yet. That's what you get when you have kids young, I guess. Thanks Scott!