Your Disappointment Is Misdirected. Also Baffling.

FOUND TAPED TO A BOOK AT THE LOCAL LIBRARY:

"Dear Librarian:

Book was mutilated. 10 or 11 pages are missing.

Very disappointed."

Very disappointed. Two words. Volumes of despair.

And then? We looked to see which pages were missing... and they were all there. Did they misunderstand the story and assume that part of it had to be gone? Did it end too abruptly? Or did they tape the note to the wrong book?

WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF COMMUNICATING WITH NOTES, THIS COMMERCIAL IS AWESOME AND SOMEONE SHOULD TOTALLY STEAL THIS IDEA:

Post-It notes Proposal


I actually would have sworn to you that this commercial was advertising Post-It notes before I searched for it, however, everyone else who searches it on YouTube seems to think the same thing. Sorry, ad guys - that's kind of a FAIL.

OVERHEARD, WHILE SCARLETT WAS PLAYING WITH HER DUCKS IN THE BATH:

"Look at you, you've gotten all dirty again! Oh, my cuttery!"


I'M PROBABLY WAY LATE TO THIS (JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE ON THE INTERNETS) BUT I LOVE IT:

Sassy Gay Friend


YOU'RE WELCOME.

Scarlett Words, or, The Swearing Loophole

Scarlett is fascinated by Mommy and Daddy's awesome grown-up right to swear. No matter how many times we explain to her that she will not be allowed to swear until she is a grown-up? She is always looking for a loophole.

In the car, as I am pulling into our parking space:

Scarlett: "Super WHY! said 'F' today. They said Daddy words."

Me: "Honey, lots of words have 'F' sounds without being Daddy words. You can say the letter 'F' or words with 'F' in them. You just can't say Daddy words."

Scarlett: "What are Daddy words?"

Me: "You know the difference between words that have the 'F' sound and Daddy words."

The conversation continues as we walk into the house and I fix Scarlett a sippy cup of juice and Sosie a bottle. Despite cranking the a/c on full blast, we are all damp and sweaty and in need of hydration.

Scarlett: "Can I have Scarlett words?"

Me, frowning: "What do you mean?"

Scarlett: "Words that only I can say."

Me: "I don't think you need your own words, honey."

Scarlett: "Why not?"

Me: "Because... you don't. You don't really get that mad."

Scarlett: "Yes I do." Really? She does. She gets very frustrated.

Me. Sigh: "Like what? What words would be Scarlett words?"

Scarlett, thoughtfully: "Can I say, 'Oh, cuttery'?"

Me: "Oh cuttery? That's what you want to say when you're mad?"

Scarlett nods enthusiastically. Oh my god this is priceless. I decide to get Michael in on this. "Do you hear what she's saying to me?"

Michael, Xboxily: "No, I can't hear her."

Me: "She's trying to negotiate Scarlett words with me. She wants her own swear words."

Michael: "Like what?"

Scarlett: "Oh, cuttery!"

Michael: "Hahahahahaha! You mean only Scarlett can say, 'Oh, cuttery'? Mommy and Daddy can't say that word?"

Scarlett, way proud: "Yes."

And so it is. Scarlett has her own swear word. Michael tested her on it several times. If she heard him utter the unspeakable oath? She came flying from wherever she was, "Daddy don't say that! Daddy you can't say that, Daddy!"

Scarlett has found the swearing loophole. It only took her three years to outsmart me. I am in big trouble.

Oh, cuttery, y'all.