I mercilessly ganked this from The Bloggess. Enjoy. It's so poignant that it almost made me burst into tears. What? I am not crazy! (Okay, maybe I am.)
The Bloggess gave me a five-finger discount on this next one, too (Score!): I have got to start doing more when I'm slacking off.
The following scenario was Bogarted from a Windows Live Messenger conversation:
Me: I don't think I could move to Australia. I'm not too jazzed about those Huntsman spiders.
Her: Meh, they're not so bad. Actually, I just killed a ginormous one.
Me: See, you must not really want me to move there if you are saying these things to me. I had a big spider in the house the other day, but it was probably a midget spider compared to y'alls' spiders.
Her: You should have taken a picture of it and posted it on Facebook.
Me: Not. You would have giggled at my silly little "big" spider.
Her: Don't try to suck one up with the vacuum. It doesn't work.
Me: What, does it just flail around in there? Or does it try to crawl back out? Ewwww.
Her: It does both. It flails and tries to crawl back out.
Me: By the time I went to get the vacuum the thing would get away and then I would spend the rest of the night all crazed waiting for it to appear again.
Her: That's why you keep an eye on it while you back away slowly.
Me: Snort! "Look spider, I'm leaving. Nothing bad is going to happen."
Me: "It's allll goooood, spider. No one's going to hurt you."
Me: **crosses fingers behind back**
Me: whack! whack! whack! whack! whack!
Aaaand scene. That is exactly how it would go if I were trying to best a spider, y'all. And yes, she really does spend most of our MSN conversations giggling at me. I am that funny.
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