Stylin'

The downside of having a cute new haircut? Not knowing how to friggin' style it.

I come from the hair school of Fuck-I-Have-Five-Minutes-to-Shower-and-Get-Dressed-How-About-Braided-Pigtails. Sometimes I liked to mix it up with a bun. When I envisioned having short hair? I thought, Hey. It will be shorter. It won't take so long to dry. I will have plenty of time to blow-dry it and it will look awesome!

But somehow I always forget that the "awesome" I leave the salon with? I will not be able to recreate. I will manage something that looks more like "probably a monkey did not style my hair today."

I remember several years ago, the last time that I got a cute, shorter haircut. I went to work fresh from the salon. My coworkers were in awe. "Look at her! She looks like a rock star! Doesn't she look like a rock star?" I was all aw-shucks-shrugs, but secretly I was way self-congratulatory. I do look like a rock star, I thought. I will have rock star hair every day! I am so money!

The next day, when I went to work? There was silence. See, I had woken up with all the product in my hair making it stick up like Goku from Dragonball Z. I'd had no choice but to wash it. I thought I had approximated my salon look pretty well, but I was soon corrected. A girl we'll call Serena took one look at my hair and snorted. "Jesus. You'd think when they gave you a new haircut they would have shown you how to fucking style it."

I burned with shame. The fact that Serena herself had hair like a meth head who'd just been busted on COPS only made me feel slightly better. Sigh.

So this time? I went as long as possible without washing my hair, so that I could keep that just-styled flavah. Then came the moment of truth. I had to style it myself. Even though I did not have the round brush and the two extra hands I really needed? It seemed to turn out okay.

By the end of the day, though, my hair had started to puff up like a Q-tip. My "side bangs" were not staying to the side. After sleeping on it? I looked like a hot mess. But as so often happens to a mother of multiple young children? I did not have time to wash and re-style before I had to leave the house to run errands. I spent my entire trip to Walmart furiously brushing my bangs to the side, smoothing my hair, and trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. I probably looked like I had OCD. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So today, I knew I had to try again. I broke out the smoothing cream, the heat styling serum, the hair spray, the hair dryer, and the flat iron. And I have to say? I totally redeemed myself. I guess that's what I needed five years ago - four more styling products.